Submitted by Digger Cartwright: The issue of illegal immigration continues to be a major problem in the United States. In 2008, I proposed ten ways to deal with illegal immigration. Since then, the problem has become worse and little has been done by the federal government. Therefore, I’ve come up with ten new ways to deal with illegal immigration. If you didn’t like my last set of proposals, you probably won’t like these any better.
•Run the Gauntlet—Let’s give the illegals from Mexico a sporting chance to get here and gain citizenship. We’ll make it like American Gladiators. Let’s build a twenty foot high concrete wall surrounded by barbed wire and a moat filled with alligators or water moccasins. On top of the wall we’ll have armed guards. If you can make over the wall alive and both feet touch the American soil, you’re in. If not, thanks for playing.
•Mass Deportation—Let’s start checking ID’s ever chance we get. Suspicious Americans could begin witch hunts to turn in people suspected of being illegal based solely on ethnicity. If you don’t belong here, you get sent back to where you came from.
•Militarize the Border—We have over 28,000 troops guarding the border between North and South Korea. Let’s bring them home and all the troops we have stationed everywhere else and militarize our border with Mexico. Good luck getting through that.
•Auction off citizenships—We can establish a quota of the number of citizenships we want to auction off each year for each country. Mexico may get 20,000. The highest bidders get the citizenship so long as they pass a background check.
•Drastically Cut Student Visas—Students who attend school in the United States then don’t leave contribute to the growing illegal population. We don’t need to be educating these people at the expense of our own taxpayers and citizens.
•Annex Mexico—Let’s annex Mexico as a territory and open it up for massive real estate development, tourism, and industry once we’ve sent in the military to crush the drug cartels. We’ll then have access to about 12 billion barrels of proven oil reserves and opportunity to wean ourselves from foreign oil. We’ll make the territory exempt from EPA regulations, etc., and it is easier to guard the border between Mexico and Guatemala and Belize than the U.S./Mexico border.
•Indentured Servitude—We should offer citizenship to those who wish to immigrate here in exchange for seven years of service to the military or individuals or businesses. Upon discharge from their indentured servitude, they are granted citizenship.
•Prohibit Illegals from Accessing Public Services—Let’s see, if they can’t get a driver’s license or identification card, they can’t get a job, rent an apartment, get utilities, etc. Make sure they can’t put their kids in our schools and use taxpayer funded services. No use to stay if they can’t survive here.
•Expand Worldwide Investment in Mexico—Let’s promote investment in Mexico. If other countries and businesses invest there, the Mexicans won’t want to come here. There will be plenty of jobs there for them to support their families. Employers can build factories there and pay substandard wages to be able to compete with China. They won’t need to come here seeking work and many of them that are here will return home.
•Open the Gates—If we aren’t going to get serious about illegal immigration, let’s just open the gates and tell them to come on in; the more the merrier. Just make sure they pay their taxes…
There is no one solution to this problem. Any solution must address many aspects of the complex challenges posed by illegal immigration. If we’re not going to get serious about addressing the problem, let’s move on to solving other problems.